The Advice from My Father That Rescued Me when I became a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey expected to cope with the demands of being a father.

Yet the reality quickly proved to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a wider failure to talk amongst men, who still absorb damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a sign of being weak to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to take a break - going on a few days away, outside of the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has changed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad choices" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, changed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I believe my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."